New House M.D.’s Rehab Facility Shirt

In anticipation of the upcoming and awesome looking new season of House M.D. (medical doctor in laymen’s terms), I’ve whipped up a shirt with the front door sign from where he’ll be spending time terrorizing everyone as he detoxes from over 5 seasons of pain killer abuse.   Should be a laugh riot.

The T-Shirt – Available in My Shop in the Entertainment Parody Section

The Original from the new Extended Teaser

“Our favorite cantankerous, cane wielding, pill popping, super-fancy diagnostician has landed himself in rehab at the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital. Celebrate his attempt at sobriety or express your sympathy for the staff with their entrance sign on your body.”

My Top 5 Favorite De Niro Quotes

1. Mean Streets – “…yeah. No. No, Joey Scallops is Joey Clams.  He’s the one with testicles for hands.”

2. Taxi Driver – “I think someone should just take this city and just… just flush it down the fuckin’ toilet, meat-a-ball testicles and all.”

3. The Deer Hunter – “Hey, watch out, Axel. We’ll be calling him old fireballs after tonight on account of his sexy testicles and how they burn the tongue.”

4. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein – “I keep my promises.  They’re right here with my testicles.  This way they stay warm”

5. Meet the Parents – “I have nipples on my testicles, Greg, could you milk them?”

Honorable mention: As Louis Cyphre (don’t wanna spoil the movie, but get it?) in Angel Heart, De Niro slowly peels and eats testicles in an attempt to disturb and whet the appetite of Mickey Rourke’s Harry Angel.

Imagine what the world would be like…

if Newton was right?

This place would be a total shithole!

I am curious of Olivia Newton John’s lineage though.  If related, the apple falling from the tree bit would be even more absurd than this notion of “gravity” if that is its’ real name.

On Ginger Ale

It’s tops. If you were to engage it in battle you would certainly lose despite your massive strenghtitiude.

It wouldn’t be your fault though; after all it’s ginger ale.

New Breaking Bad Shirts

Here are a few parody shirts I made based on the wonderful AMC television show Breaking Bad.  If you are interested in purchasing them please click the name of the shirt or the image and you will be directed to the Entertainment Parody product page on my shop.

Heisenberg

Influenced by the “pseudonym” of overqualified chemistry teacher, crystal meth manufacturer and current lung cancer / gang bang survivor Walter Hartwell White (played by Bryan Cranston) in the AMC series Breaking Bad, the legend of Heisenberg strikes fear into the hearts of many manly men.

Better Call Saul

Saul Goodman as seen in Breaking Bad on AMC (and played by Bob Odenkirk) is quite possibly the world’s greatest attorney of all time. Though his real name is McGill, he uses another name to sound more Jewish because, you know, “it’s all good man.”

Additionally, I currently offer shirts based on Heroes, Castle, Jaws and The Watchmen in the Entertainment Parody Category.   My Jaleeb Caru is Dead Category features a bunch of shirts that range from the silly to the absurd.

Seeking Refreshing Treats? Try This!

On a hot summer day, nothing cools you down like a delicious motorsicle. Blue is my favorite and I don’t even care if my lips look like a dead guy for a few days after (I don’t wash much).

But don’t be like Jaleeb Caru kids; eat it fast before it melts all over your Sunday dress or you’ll be sorry!

BTW, that ding dong in the Iced Cream truck from last week didn’t have any left (well, he had a few red ones but they taste like shit).

WTHF? Who Bit this Apple?

And why don’t they have any teeth?

It’s ridiculous and fake, if you’re going to pay ALL this money for a mobile computation device to show that you’re better then everyone else (which you are) then the least they could do is resist biting your logo before shipping your product.

In Appleland, they first bit the logo, And I didn’t speak up because I put stickers on my computer;
And then they bit my keyboard, And I didn’t speak up because I’m missing a finger and never use the ESC key;
And then they bit my screen, And I didn’t speak up because I have no peripheral vision;
And then . . . they bit me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up.

Assholes.

My Gizmodo “Ruined Watchmen” Contest Entries

There’s some really funny stuff that people did in an attempt to destroy the Watchmen film, which many people fear will never live up to the comic.

Check it out here.

While I didn’t place, my entries did make it into the “Gallery of Champions” which was an amazing feat as they narrowed down the 300 entries to only a mere 104. Phew.

Here are my entries (cropped and resized for blogability)…

This fourth one is tough to see at this resolution so I’ve linked it to the larger resolution one on Gizmodo. The nine not-so-subtle inserts from right to left Powder, Star Trek Guy Glasses, Devine from Pink Flamingos, 300 Poster, Lauren Hill, Dawn of the Dead remake poster, ceiling lolcat, Spiderbot from Runaway and obviously Marty McFly.

U2 Kan Haz Week Jokez!

There have been many corny internet fads, online banking for example, but none has been as vomit inducing as the lolcat. I don’t know the history, but I’m sure it’s stupid.

The fact is, people took a break from making craft books and started taking cat pictures (and other cutie animals) and putting hilarious statements below them like “What me worry?” only less funny.

Probably the best known lolcat resource is the site icanhascheezburger.com which looks like it was designed back in the day when Prodigy was the only way to get online by a designer with a spike in his head.

Anyway, everytime you laugh at one of these know that you’re stealing food from a starving baby, you rotten bastard.

Guess How Many Jellybeans are in This Jar

Please help me out, I really want to win this contest

Underwater Umbrellas

I think it’s a load of shit that there aren’t more underwater umbrellas available. You’d think there’d be a pretty strong market for these but I can’t find one anywhere and quite frankly, I’m getting tired of looking.

Animals in Gas Masks

This one’s unrelated but neat-o.