I was scouring the internet for great quotes late last night, as I am wont to do, and I discovered some really unusual musings from American actor, producer, screen-writer, director, three-time Academy Award winner and twelve-time nominee, Jack Nicholson.
When I was 12, I wanted to make this shirt. Smash cut to 28 years later (not the motion picture by the very same name, but the duration between me deciding to make this shirt and actually doing so), you can buy this shirt. Time be trippin’.
1. Mean Streets – “…yeah. No. No, Joey Scallops is Joey Clams. He’s the one with testicles for hands.”
2. Taxi Driver – “I think someone should just take this city and just… just flush it down the fuckin’ toilet; meat-a-ball testicles and all.”
3. The Deer Hunter – “Hey, watch out, Axel. We’ll be calling him old fireballs after tonight on account of his sexy testicles and how they burn the tongue.”
4. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein – “I keep my promises. They’re right here with my testicles. This way they stay warm”
5. Meet the Parents – “I have nipples on my testicles, Greg, could you milk them?”
Honorable mention: As Louis Cyphre (don’t wanna spoil the movie, but get it?) in Angel Heart, De Niro slowly peels and eats testicles in an attempt to disturb and whet the appetite of Mickey Rourke’s Harry Angel.
These guys kept sending emails after I bought tickets through them for the Thursday midnight premier of The Watchmen asking for a “user review.” I won’t bore you with another unnecessarily verbose review, but suffice it to say, I loved it.
There was a ton of stuff I wish they didn’t do and a ton of stuff they didn’t do that I wished they did, but all in all it was much better than I expected (though I was a bit concerned). Anyhoo, here’s my terribly written review…
While I didn’t place, my entries did make it into the “Gallery of Champions” which was an amazing feat as they narrowed down the 300 entries to only a mere 104. Phew.
Here are my entries (cropped and resized for blogability)…
This fourth one is tough to see at this resolution so I’ve linked it to the larger resolution one on Gizmodo. The nine not-so-subtle inserts from right to left Powder, Star Trek Guy Glasses, Devine from Pink Flamingos, 300 Poster, Lauren Hill, Dawn of the Dead remake poster, ceiling lolcat, Spiderbot from Runaway and obviously Marty McFly.
There is no greater mystery in cinema than Mystery Men. Why did it suck? Why was it boring? What did they do wrong?
Allow me to begin by mentioning that the person who directed this film made the not very award winning Taco Bell commercials with the rat feces sculpture of a chihuahua. I mention it, but I don’t necessarily think that bad direction is the problem with this film.
Based on a Dark Horse comic book by the creator of Flaming Carrot, the movie focuses on a motley group of “wanna be” superheros. The cast is stellar, featuring Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, Tom Waits, Paul Rubens, Claire Folani, Hank Azaria, Janeane Garolfolo, Eddie Izzard, Kel Mitchell and Riki Rachtman to name a few.
The script is pretty funny, probably not as funny as the comic, but very funny. The lines are well delivered and the gags are well executed. The budget was appropriately large, and while things sometimes looked off or “cheesy” it was all solid.
So while the pacing may be a bit off, the jokes may be a tad tired and the costumes may be a bit dramatic, there’s no reason that I can see that would cause this movie to be as unwatchable as it is. WTHF?