On Pennsylvania 2: Cutting Grass Can Be Hazardous…

to grass.

I wouldn’t want to be them bitches for all the money in the world.

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If I were a Doctor…

I would probably wear my stethoscope everywhere, just so people knew I was legit. I’d likely even wear it when I had to go to the doctor, just to let him know I’m a patient AND a peer and that he could shove his diploma up his ass.

However, if in a restaurant and faced with a chocking victim I would merely point at the “save a chocking fucker” sign. Everything everyone needs to know is neatly illustrated by the same people who bring you Airplane Emergency Fucker trifold, laminated pamphlets.

After all, I’m a doctor and I don’t have time for this bullshit!

Seeking Refreshing Treats? Try This!

On a hot summer day, nothing cools you down like a delicious motorsicle. Blue is my favorite and I don’t even care if my lips look like a dead guy for a few days after (I don’t wash much).

Mmmmm....Mmmmmm....Motorsicle goes VROOOM!

But don’t be like Jaleeb Caru kids; eat it fast before it melts all over your Sunday dress or you’ll be sorry!

BTW, that ding dong in the Iced Cream truck from last week didn’t have any left (well, he had a few red ones but they taste like shit).

WTHF? Who Bit this Apple?

And why don’t they have any teeth?

It’s ridiculous and fake, if you’re going to pay ALL this money for a mobile computation device to show that you’re better then everyone else (which you are) then the least they could do is resist biting your logo before shipping your product.

Where's the Teef?

In Appleland, they first bit the logo, And I didn’t speak up because I put stickers on my computer;
And then they bit my keyboard, And I didn’t speak up because I’m missing a finger and never use the ESC key;
And then they bit my screen, And I didn’t speak up because I have no peripheral vision;
And then . . . they bit me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up.

Assholes.

Xbox 360 Gaming Achievements

Microsoft wisely implemented an achievement system into it’s “next generation” gaming titles.  Accomplishing certain tasks, often in a certain way grants you a set number of “gamer-points” that are attached to your profile.  They are tracked and displayed in your gamer-card and on xbox.com.  Each time you get one it triggers a lovely chime and a icon with the dialog of your momentous accomplishment. 

 

When this was initially discussed I never thought I’d care, but like many I find the achievements a huge incentive to play a game more thoroughly or at all.  I’m currently a pretty low scorer at 5655 (each game is allotted a total of 1000 points) but each time I hear that bell I smile.

One of the many things that disturbs me about this is the fact that I sometimes think twice about playing a handheld or non-360 title as it will be “a waste of time.”  There is nothing more ridiculous then staying up late to complete a goal to get an achievement lest I retire not having “accomplished anything.”  It’s an absolute embarrassment and I don’t know WTHF my problem is, but I don’t see it going away anytime soon.   

Even in death I remain a loser.